Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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