Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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