His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize