Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
