I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
