We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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