Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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