I cannot find my penis.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
