I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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