I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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