Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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