I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
