i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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