respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Randomize
