I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
