THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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