I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
