You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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