I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
