it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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