names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
