Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize