Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
