He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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