My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
