yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
