Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
