we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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