Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
