I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
