Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
