There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
