new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
