just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
