We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
