4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize