No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
