i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
