apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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