I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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