this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
