I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
