I wish I could punch you in the face.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
