ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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