How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is classic penis vs brain.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
