I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
me + whiskey = a bad person
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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