I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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