someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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