she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
