Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
