A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
