There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
