I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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