Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
