i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
