i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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