I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
