I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize