Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
