the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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