Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sext me about skeletons
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
