So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
