I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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