Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize