Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
