So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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