and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
