my phone needs a breathalizer
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
