Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i think my mom watched the whole time
nutella sex= disaster
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
