there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize