just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
